Is it possible to discipline from a wheelchair?
Can anyone help with the following re disciplining a young toddler…18 months plus…just want to get some tricks up my sleeve for when ‘m going to need them…
I am a bit concerned about the discipline aspect of parenting from a wheelchair as a C5/6. I manage pretty well on my own in the day when my little girl is in nursery, apart from I need someone to get me up . The rest of the time, we have somebody here all day. The PA we have has been here since just before Amelie was born and our relationship is a bit up and down as she isn’t the brightest of people and doesn’t have/isn’t around other kids outside of her job. Mostly it’s fine as I call the shots but she is quite a negative person generally and I find that hard to deal with as there’s always a lot going on and constantly having to deal with someone else’s negativity can be really draining. Anyway, I believe in my role as Mummy, I need to find ways of disciplining my little girl myself as much as possible rather than handing the execution out to an able bodied PA who isn’t her Mummy. Generally, as long as I keep her busy, she is pretty good but I know there will be times before long when discipline will be the order of the day and if at all possible, I want to be the one dishing it out. So any old hands out there, I would love to hear from you on your unconventional take on this and how you think it worked for you. Unfortunately, I’m not great at the whole intonation with the voice thing, although I am better than I used to be. I have also witnessed that she now knows if we are alone together, I am physically not capable of intervening without the help of a 2nd party. Joy!!
Anyway, anyone with experience/takes on unconventional discipline would be really helpful right now. Hope to hear from some of you soon.
- Positive re-enforcement is very important, consequences (yes – like Simon and mellow said – no milk, timeout … and it’s YOU who says so, even if somebody else does it), and very much, with my own kids (now 14 and 20): just TALKING! I do find it’s surprising how important that is for children, small ones too, a good relationship with their parents, being accepted and praised. Not talking endlessly, but talking clearly. “I don’t want that – stop!” “This makes me angry – stop!” “That is dangerous – don’t!” “If you do that …” Together with consistent behaviour, yes some punishment (never corporal, please!), it does work. So well. And praise, praise, love … affection.
- First off I would clear up the concern you have with an inept aid. Kids are like sponges and will model all behavior good and bad so if your child is around the what you say is a not too bright controversial aid the kid will definitely suffer from it.
As far as maintaining limits and goals positive reinforcement is a good aid. Also time out is an excellent way to discipline without hitting the child. I used time outs with my kids but really can’t remember using it that often. As has been said you can tell them not to touch something but if you don’t’ do your part and put it up then the child is going to touch it.
At the stage your child is in right now everything is in the mouth. It’s not a good idea to discourage this behaviour because that’s how they learn so child proof your home. Make the home kid friendly. It was your choice to have the child so let’s let them grow in a positive environment meant for their safety.
Years ago I use to teach new mothers how to child prood their homes and I got many of them saying that they felt they didn’t have to move things that the toddler would have to learn not to touch. Well you can go that route if you want lots of hardship. Child proof the house and set limits on safe things so that the child learns behavior you want to instill in her in a safe way.
Please don’t use a shock collar on your child; very bad idea. There are many motion sensor devices that can be utilized and in the end you need to have the house secure to the point where the child cannot get out. Child proof the door handles and any windows that can open. This goes hand in hand with child proofing your home.
- I think consistency is the hardest thing – but it is what works. I don’t know if it is child-training as much as it is parent training. If you tell her not to touch something, then don’t move it out of her way so she won’t. You sit there with her until she obeys what you say. If she touches, then do whatever is the penalty (like timeout in her play pen or high chair like Mellow said). Then, after a few minutes, get her out, pretend you don’t see her, and see if she touches again. If she does, immediately do it again. It will be very consuming on you in the first stages, but once she realizes that you are the authority and NOTHING will pass your ever watching eye, she will learn to take you seriously. Not that she won’t keep testing you – she will, because that is part of growing up and finding your boundaries – but when you give her the answer about it, you will avoid a lot of fights. This is just an example, but be sure to be consistent. I really think that is the biggest battle. When my children get to where I am aggravated at them because of their slow obedience, then I take a long look in the mirror because I know where the problem is! Good luck!!